Read through the following situation (adapted from Thomson, 2008) Carl and Sara
ID: 3470756 • Letter: R
Question
Read through the following situation (adapted from Thomson, 2008)
Carl and Sara have been dating for four years, since their first year of college. Both are reasonably happy with the relationship, but Carl thinks Sara is getting too clingy, and Sara thinks Carl is being distant. Carl and Sara are at a party, and Carl is talking to a friend from class, Fred. Tension has been building throughout the night as Sara wants Carl to pay attention to her, and Carl wants to talk to Fred without Sara there.
Fred: Where’s your girlfriend?
Carl: She’s over there pouting about something. I hope she stays there . . . she’s getting on my nerves.
Fred: No such luck. Here she comes.
(Sara walks over, wanting to get in on the conversation. Carl keeps his gaze fixed on Fred, hoping Sara will leave.)
Carl: (Still not looking at her) So . . . as I was saying, I really bombed that chemistry quiz.
Fred: Uhh, yeah . . . me too.
Sara: (To Fred) Hi, I’m Sara. (To Carl) Thanks for introducing me, honey.
Carl: (Sarcastically) No problem.
Fred: S’up.
(Awkward silence while Carl waits for Sara to get a clue and leave.)
Carl: Could you go get me a drink, dear?
Sara: Why? Are you trying to get rid of me?
Carl: Now why would I do that?
Fred: How about I let you little lovebirds catch up. (Leaves)
Carl: What is the problem?
Sara: You. You’ve been ignoring me all night.
Carl: (Mockingly) ‘‘Thanks for introducing me.’’ What was that about?
Sara: Well you weren’t going to introduce me.
Carl: Yes I was.
Sara: No you weren’t. You never introduce me to your friends.
Carl: Whatever.
Sara: See, you don’t even care that it bothers me.
Carl: (Withdrawing) OK, this conversation is over.
Sara: No, this conversation is not over.
Carl: Look, I don’t want to talk about it now.
Sara: You are such a child. When you want to act like a grown-up, I’m ready to talk.
Identify several examples of Gibb’s “defensive communication” behaviors in the conversation. For each defensive behavior, suggest a supportive line to replace the defensive line.
Explanation / Answer
The entire conversation between Carl, Sra and Fred has many examples of defensive communication. These are:
This defensive communication would have been replaced if Carl would have introduced Sara to his Friend Fred by saying “Look at her, She is Sara, my Girl Friend”
Carl could have avoided this defensive conversation by saying “Friends, Lets have some Drink”
This would also have been avoided by the line “Sorry, I did not mean that. I just wanted to enjoy the Drink”
Fred: How about I let you little lovebirds catch up. (Leaves)
Carl: What is the problem?
Sara: You. You’ve been ignoring me all night.
If Carl replied with this line “No, Honey I am not ignoring you”, Probably he would have avoided the defensive communication.
Sara: Well you weren’t going to introduce me.
Carl: Yes I was.
Sara: No you weren’t. You never introduce me to your friends.
Carl: Whatever.
Sara: See, you don’t even care that it bothers me.
Carl would have said “I am Sorry , please calm down”
Sara: No, this conversation is not over.
The defensive communication would have been avoided with this line “Sorry, We will discuss the matter after finishing Dinner”
Sara: You are such a child. When you want to act like a grown-up, I’m ready to talk.
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