Chapter 3 Intellectual and Social Development Affect Discipline Though it is ful

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Chapter 3 Intellectual and Social Development Affect Discipline

Though it is full of theory, I think that this chapter is the most practical for keeping discipline problems to a minimum. As said in the text, I consider lack of social development and social skills to be the cause of most disputes among young children. Social development is highly dependent upon intellectual maturation, and so we need to understand both in order to assist children’s development. The information in this chapter is usually difficult for students in the classes that I teach. We have often been taught in subtle ways that children are lying, stealing or cheating when they deny an action, take something that does not belong to them or do not follow a particular rule. Sometimes we think they are willfully misbehaving. In truth, young children do not have the same mental perspectives on many of these things. They think differently; they are "egocentric." This means they are only thinking of themselves. As they mature, with gentle guidance, we can help them gain empathy and understanding for others beyond themselves. Morality comes with maturity. Manners: Sometimes adults think of social skills as manners —eating politely, saying “please,” apologizing for errors and shaking hands well, for example. These things are very cultural: in many cultures shaking hands is considered unhealthy, eating with fingers is considered polite in India. Basic manners are best learned through role models; children do as we do. If we want them to say “please” or “excuse me,” we need to make it our usual practice. Coercing children is not nearly as effective in the long term. Social skills, which are more important than manners for long-term success and happiness, are those which help them to get along well with others. These include compassion, empathy, sharing materials as well as ideas and leading and following with grace and humor. It means learning how to be a good team member. We want to promote situations where we enhance and support the kind of development where children learn to care about each other. These situations come up naturally when we provide materials such as blocks, clay, dramatic play areas, sandbox, riding toys and other interesting things to do. We also need to allow enough time for children to develop their own ideas (take initiative) and share them with their playmates. The play is a primary way children learn and practice these kinds of positive social skills. Sharing: A question this chapter raises is whether or not children should have to share. This is very much related to our cultural perspective. For some families, a collective view of all items is the standard. There is one guitar or one game system or one car and everyone shares. For other families individuality in the norm and that includes separate possessions. Each child has a room of their own, filled with their individual toys—their own "game boy" or "TV," etc. When children come to a group program, the program sets standards for sharing. Should children be allowed to bring toys from home? If they bring things from home do they have to share with other children? If a child gets a toy out to play with it at school and someone else wants to play, does the first child have to share the toy? Does the teacher set a time limit for how long each child can use a material or stay in a particular learning lab or interest center? I believe each program should have clear statements about these standards for their staff and for the parents. It is my personal belief that children should be allowed to bring things to school to show their friends and for play. A cubby should be provided when the toy is done being used. Parents need to understand that when things come to school we cannot guarantee they will not be lost or broken. When children bring things, they need to share them with all the other children or just show it and then put it away. As the book states, the goal is "voluntary unselfishness.” Allowing children to bring things from home can help them feel secure and also promote sharing. As far as the educational materials at the program, I believe children should have full use of them for as long as they want. If more children want to play, the environment should be adjusted to allow them to do so. It seems artificial and restrictive to me to establish limits for various areas (such as only 4 children in the blocks). This sets up ways to exclude others and that is not the kind of pro-social skill I want to encourage. We try to avoid scarcity. Scarcity, or not enough materials/things to do, causes people to hoard and cling to what they have rather than promoting sharing. Resolving conflicts: Helping children (3 years and older) learn to solve their own problems is much better than solving the problem for them. When two children are arguing over a toy, for example, adults sometimes take the following unfortunate steps. Here are some common, but POOR EXAMPLES: 1. Adult authority: “If you can’t share then I am going to take it away.” 2. Arbitrary decision: “Jenny can have it now and you can have it next.” 3. Artificial external control: “I’ll set the timer and you can each have 10 minutes.” 4. Judging: “Who had it?” A better way or Skill Sequence: Get the object and then, while squatting to their level, gently put your arms around both children and in a respectful voice try to state their feelings and the problem. “You both want to play with the baby.” Allow them to talk (they might say things like “she put it down” or “she took it from me”). Make sure both children have an opportunity to talk. Try to repeat what they say and clarify the situation. It may come out that although one child put it down, she was not really through with it. ASK THE CHILDREN TO HELP FIND A SOLUTION. “Jenny wants the doll and so does Sarah. What do you think we should do?” They might start out by just re-stating their position, but if you point out the other child’s perspective, they will usually come up with a good solution. If necessary you can also offer some ideas, such as, “What if the baby had a Momma and an Auntie?” Sometimes the children will offer a solution such as “We need more babies.” If you can use this solution right now, do it. Say something like, “That’s a good idea! Let’s go see; what other babies do we have?” Keep control of the original object until they agree on a solution. At that point you can point out that they were able to figure it out themselves with their words and their good ideas. This approach has the advantage of helping the children LEARN how to solve the problems that arise in the future. The typical adult responses listed above just teach children to be dependent on the adults for intervention. This strategy is difficult to get used to at first but it works! I recall when I first learned this strategy and remember thinking, this is crazy! At first, it was a challenge to even get through the first few steps but it started to get easier to use and became second nature. I hope you will find the same.

Assignment 5.2 Skill Sequence Scenarios

After reading the unit and information above, read the following scenarios and apply the Skill Sequence. Get the object and then, while squatting to their level, gently put your arms around both children and in a respectful voice try to state their feelings and the problem. “You both want to play with the baby.” Allow them to talk (they might say things like “she put it down” or “she took it from me”). Make sure both children have an opportunity to talk. Try to repeat what they say and clarify the situation. It may come out that although one child put it down, she was not really through with it. ASK THE CHILDREN TO HELP FIND A SOLUTION. “Jenny wants the doll and so does Sarah. What do you think we should do?” They might start out by just re-stating their position, but if you point out the other child’s perspective, they will usually come up with a good solution. If necessary you can also offer some ideas, such as, “What if the baby had a Momma and an Auntie?” Sometimes the children will offer a solution such as “We need more babies.” If you can use this solution right now, do it. Say something like, “That’s a good idea! Let’s go see; what other babies do we have?” Keep control of the original object until they agree on a solution. At that point you can point out that they were able to figure it out themselves with their words and their good ideas. This approach has the advantage of helping the children LEARN how to solve the problems that arise in the future. The typical adult responses listed above just teach children to be dependent on the adults for intervention.

Scenario 1: Two children in the playhouse putting babies to bed and another child comes in and pulls out dress-up clothes, wanting everyone to get dressed up and is princesses. The two children putting babies to bed are upset by the intrusion and the disruption, telling the third child she can’t play with them. Tears are the usual result.

Scenario 2: Three children are building a tower, trying to see how high they can make it before it falls. Another child comes and starts taking blocks off the tower, saying, “Let’s make a fort!” Of course the children building the tower are incensed by blocks being taken off their construction and start to shove the intruder away. Hitting and crying ensue.

Explanation / Answer

In scenario one , two children are playing and another child comes in and disrupts them It is quite normal that this happens among children as they do not have the maturity to understand or agree with the other. The children who are putting the babies to sleep can be taught that any noise can disrupt the baby and can lovingly call the third child to help them put the baby to sleep, this teaches them nature of compassion that we need to respect the other person.Most often we teach children only basic manners like sharing, cooperation but learning to respect each other in never taught.The third child can be taught the babies need its help too to sleep.This gives the child feeling of importance and secured feeling of being wanted.

In the second scenario the child who starts taking the blocks off the tower exhibits high sense of egocentrism and lack of group play. Children should be encouraged to do things in a group to promote better understanding. This scenario is often found in a single child syndrome, where the child is allowed to do only what he/she wants and is accepted . If this situation is not favourable it results in tantrums and destructiveness. In this situation we can encourage the 3 children to build blocks again to make another tall tower ,this will motivate the child to participate and promote self esteem as they will try to build more blocks.

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