John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth conducted research on the ways in which infants f

Question

John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth conducted research on the ways in which infants forms connections with their primary caregivers. Later research suggests that the attachment styles infants develop with their parents are indicative of the relationships that have in adulthood. Describe how couplings of the various attachment styles might work. In your response, consider how might a male or female of one particular attachment style and a male or female of another particular attachment style relate to each other in a relationship? Discuss two different pairings in your response.

Explanation / Answer

The childhood impact later relationships from the partners we choose to what we need from them. We know now that our style of attachment plays a role at every stage of the coupling process, from partner selection to the nature and success of the relationship and to the stressors that may eventually end it. Understanding your own attachment style and that of your partner will provide insight into relationship risks and vulnerabilities by shedding light on what each partner needs from an intimate partner and how they will approach getting those needs met. A secure attachment pattern indicates that a self-assured person, able to ensure their needs are met, those with other attachment styles will need to learn how to consciously choose better or learn how to recognise their needs and how to get them met without damaging the relationship. Non-secure attachments account for around 40% of the population. Far from being a small fringe this means that a great many people that meet, date and fall in love with will have some insecurity in their attachment style. Understanding the impacts of these styles is critical to successful relationships for and with these people. In the avoidance style, the expectation from childhood is that needs will not be met anyway and that the appropriate way to behave is to appear or be self-contained or not acknowledge any emotional needs at all. Those in the anxious attachment condition feel a constant need for the presence and validation of a partner. People with anxious attachment styles may demonstrate more consistency in their needs but the behaviour can be just as self-defeating. A need for constant reassurance and proximity can push their partners further away, sparking a downward spiral of greater insecurity and greater need. People with this attachment style may well see independence in their partner as a sign of pulling away, withdrawing whether this behaviour is a coping mechanism in response to the self belief that ‘no one is really there for you’, unmanageable need or simply normal sociable behaviour. For those with disorganised attachment style, the relationship is caracterised by distance and ambivalence. Afraid of both being too close and being too distant from others, relationships are often rocky as they both push and pull their partners. Frequently overwhelmed by their needs and inability to control their reactions to those needs their emotional disorganisation will feel like mixed messages to their partner.

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