One effective way to improve your writing skills is to critique and edit the res

Question

One effective way to improve your writing skills is to critique and edit the resume of someone else.

YOUR TASK Analyze the following poor resume. List at least eight weaknesses. Your instructor may ask you to revise sections of this resume before showing you an improved version.

Resume

Camille Elena Montano 1340 East Phillips Ave., Apt. D Littleton, CO 80126 Phone 455-5182 | E-Mail: Hotchilibabe@mail.com | LinkedIn

OBJECTIVE

I’m dying to become an accounting associate in the “real world” with a big profitable company that will help me get the experience I need to become a CPA.

SKILLS

Microsoft Word, MS Outlook, Powerpoint, Excel, spread- sheets Excel; experienced with QuickBooks, great compo- sure in stressful situations; 3 years as leader and supervisor and 4 years in customer service

EDUCATION

Arapahoe Community College, Littleton, Colorado. AA degree, Fall 2015 Now I am pursuing a BA in Accounting at CSU-Pueblo, majoring in Accounting; my minor is Finance. Completed 64 units of upper-level units. My expected degree date is June 2018; I recieved a Certificate of Completion in Entry Level Accounting in December 2015. My overall GPA is 3.5 on a 4.0 = A system. I graduated East High School, Denver, CO in 2011.

Highlights:

• Named Line Manger of the Month at Target, 10/2014 and 03/2015 • Obtained a Certificate in Entry Level Accounting, June 2015 • Chair of Accounting Society, Spring and fall 2017 • Dean’s Honor List, Fall 2017 • Financial advisor training completed through Primerica (May 2016) • Webmaster for M.E.Ch.A, Spring 2017

Part-Time Employment

Financial Consultant, 2016 to present I worked only part-time (January 2016-present) for Primerica Financial Services, Pueblo, CO to assist clients in refinancing a mortgage or consolidating a current mortgage loan and also to advice clients in assessing their need for life insurance. Target, Littleton, CO. As line manager, from September 2014 - August 2015, I supervised 12 cashiers and front-end associates. I helped to write schedules, disciplinary action notices, and performance appraisals. I also kept track of change drawer and money exchanges; occasionally was manager on duty for entire store. Named line manager of the month August 2014 and March 2015. Mr. K’s Floral Design of Denver. I taught flower design from August, 2013 to September, 2014. I supervised 5 florists, made floral arrangements for big events like weddings, send them to customers, and restocked flowers.

Explanation / Answer

Following are the weakness in the resume which must be rectiified.

1. I’m dying to become an accounting associate in the “real world” with a big profitable company that will help me get the experience I need to become a CPA. In this statement; few words are negative; firstly not to started like I'm (it shuold be general statement)

2. SKILLS: Word like compo-sure is too fanatic, it should be simply removed. Too many "and" are also there

3. EDUCATION: It should be from highest degree to lowest one, preferably in tabular form. If not a tabular form, then at least in proper bullets, this one seems to be paragraph

4. EDUCATION: Words like, I recieved, my minor, my expected degreee etc. shuold be removed and must be written in simple words in tabular form or a single line stating education from higher to lower level

5. HIGHLIGHTS: Here also highlights should be of last achievement at first place and thus in reducing order. Please do mention full form of M.E.Ch.A

6. Highlights: Obtained a Certificate in Entry Level Accounting, June 2015. This is extra education done, not highlight of job roles. Hence this is to be named as Other qualifications. Post that write Highlights.

7. Part time employment:- Here things are although mentioned well in order from latter to older, but this should be properly written in bullet forms stating as:

8. Teaching flower design experience is not relevant and must not be mentioned as; the objective says the aspirant wants to become an accountant and this experience is irrelavant.

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