CROSS CULTURAL NEGOTIATION What Would You Do about the Bill for Dinner? Robert B

Question

CROSS CULTURAL NEGOTIATION

What Would You Do about the Bill for Dinner?
Robert B. McKersie

Several readers had thoughtful, culturally sensitive responses to the difficulty faced by a man attempting to entertain four couples whose hospitality he had enjoyed in the past, only to find himself embroiled in an embarrassing social situation. The problem was complicated not just by differing cultural expectations on the parts of host and guests, but also by the fact that the guests themselves held different expectations. The scenario, in brief, was:

A young American invited to dinner four couples--two American and two Japanese--who had previously had him to dinner at their homes. Because he was a poor cook, he decided to entertain at a restaurant instead of at his house. He made it clear that the invitation was to compensate for his inadequate cooking skills, but he did not explicitly mention his intention to pay for the restaurant meal, which he felt was implied by the invitation itself.

When the waiter presented him with the bill, all the friends asked the amount of their shares. After a few rounds of insistence by both sides, the American friends conceded and thanked the young man for the meal.

The Japanese friends, however, did not stop. They tried to press money upon their host, acted as if they did not understand, and protested that their wives would disapprove of them if they did not succeed in paying.

The young man felt he could not accept their money, because it would embarrass the American friends who had let him pay. The Japanese friends were insistent, and began to talk together in Japanese, a rarity in front of nonspeakers. The young man was very distressed, because the objective of the dinner was to thank his friends, not upset them.

NEED A SUMMARY OF THE CASE AND THE ANSWER OF THE FOLLOWING QUESTION:

What would you have done to extricate all parties from this discomfiting situation?

Explanation / Answer

This issue is due to the socio cultural differences between the Japanese and the Americans. The American was reciprocating the invitation that he received from these couples earlier and this was not clear in the dinner.

If I was in this situation, I would first make it clear that this is a dinner invitation in lieu of inviting them to my house. I would explain that my cooking is not very good but since I appreciated their invitation, I would also like to treat them a dinner. This information would set the base for the entire evening.

Next, I would mention to the Japanese couples that I while I appreciate their offer to contribute to the dinner bill, accepting the bill would be embarrassing as this is a dinner hosted by me and in American culture this would be seen as a non-conformity. If the Japanese were informed of this, they likely value the component of pride and dignity and stop insisting on paying.

In spite of these if the Japanese were still adamant on paying for dinner, I would tell them that this time it is on me and I would allow them to contribute the next time we are all together for dinner. That would probably deter them from wanting to pay.

The key to remember here is that setting up the scenario. First mistake is that the intention and the purpose of the dinner is not clear. In a just world, when I went to dinner at their place, I did not pay them. Thus when I host the dinner, they should not feel obliged to pay. The dinner is hosted as an exchange of pleasantry and friendliness and thus this should be made clear at the beginning. Next step is to bring out the difference in culture between the two cultures and to appeal to the alien culture’s sensitivity. Japanese culture values pride, dignity and respect towards one another more than Americans. Thus it is important to make it clear that the Japanese couple’s contribution to the dinner bill may be seen as hurting my pride. If this point was made clear then the Japanese would likely stop.

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