To: All employees From: Administrative Services Date: December 20, 2013 Subject:

Question

To: All employees
From: Administrative Services
Date: December 20, 2013
Subject: Important notification

After making corrections to our software system, we are now ready to install new card readers for identification to enter the home office and also to open doors in the building and the garage. The new card readers will use a new type of access card, called a proximity card, in place of the current card that you swipe to activate a door lock. With the new card, you will simply hold the card up to the reader to active the door lock.

All individuals with access to the home office and garage should already have been issued a new card. After Friday, August 24th, your old card will no longer work in any of the card readers. Administrative Services arranged to have each department distribute the new cards to their employees. If you have not yet received your new card, please find the person responsible for distributing the cards in your area.

Your new card will become active on Monday, August 27thth. After that date, you will see a container in the main lobby by the guard’s station where you will need to drop in your old card. For security purposes, it is required that we collect all the old cards, so please deposit them in this container as soon as possible after you begin using your new card.

We appreciate your cooperation and patience in completing this process. If you have any questions regarding these instructions, please contact either Frank Lindeman at 6804 or Eric Dillman at 2030.

Thank you for your help.

Exercise:
1.   Is this written in the direct order or the indirect order?
2.   Do you agree or disagree with the writing order?
3.   Rewrite the message to improve it. Consider the average employee of average intelligence and average education. Find ways to improve the document to make it easier to read and to understand. This could involve shortening the document or changing its structure with headings or subheadings or numbered lists or bulleted lists or anything that you think would improve it.

Explanation / Answer

1. As per my understanding the communication is indirect order means transformation of the communication of the software sub-system with respect to installation of new software and use of new cards for new card readers to active the door locks.

2. Keeping in view the question number 3, the obvious answer is to disagree with the writing order as order needs to be more direct in its approach.

3. Attempt is made to improve as follows:

a. New card readers are installed for identification to enter the home office and also to open doors in the building and the garage. New cards called Proximity card replace the old cards to access New card readers by simply holding the card upto reader rather than swipe to activate the door lock.

b. Each department has a designated person to distribute the new cards to the concerned employees.

c. New cards will be effective from Monday, 27th August and old cards will be ineffective after Friday, 24th August.

d. You will need to drop in your old cards (at the earliest) in a container kept in the main lobby near guard's station.

e. For further quaries contact either Frank Lindeman at 6804 or Eric Dillman at 2030.

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