Nadine has been dating Jim for eight years. They began dating in college and Nad
ID: 3464006 • Letter: N
Question
Nadine has been dating Jim for eight years. They began dating in college and Nadine reports that she remained supportive of Jim throughout his years in medical school and residency as a doctor. Nadine reports that it has not always been easy for her as she often will feel neglected by Jim due to his busy schedule, though she has never communicated these feelings to Jim, since she does not want to appear “selfish” or “nagging” and she does not want to be a cause of further stress in his life. Nadine was recently diagnosed with kidney disease, which has created a considerable amount of stress in her personal and professional life. She reports that her graduate school program was not understanding of her need to miss classes due to multiple doctor appointments. Furthermore, she was not able to request a medical leave from her program, which ultimately led to her having to leave her graduate program due to her medical issues. Nadine reports that while she has discussed these current stressors with Jim, he does not always appear to understand the loss she is feeling. She reports that Jim will tell her that she should seek legal action against her school and that she should not be so passive. Nadine reports that Jim is often dismissive regarding the severity of her condition, noting that she will be fine. Nadine expresses a desire for Jim to accompany her on doctor appointments, however she will not ask him as he has repeatedly mentioned how busy he is and how little time he has for himself outside of work. Nadine reports that she will often cry to herself every day due to the fear she has regarding her health condition as well as her feelings of failure that she was not able to complete her studies due to becoming sick. Nadine has expressed that she would like to have Jim join a session in order to help her communicate what she has been feeling, as well as address the continued detachment she reports within their relationship. Jim has thus far not agreed to join Nadine in therapy, reporting that his schedule does not make it possible and he does not believe that therapy is necessary to address the issues within their relationship, but rather that it is Nadine’s passivity which is causing her unhappiness.
1. How might you work with Nadine using a Solution-Focused Brief Therapy approach?
2. Within the Emotion-Focused approach to couples therapy, each partner has difficulty expressing their core primary emotions but rather express their secondary emotions towards their partner as a defense of their more vulnerable primary emotions. What are the primary and secondary emotions that you see within the interactions between Nadine and Jim. How may the therapist help this couple, access their primary emotions so that they may openly share these core vulnerable emotions with each other?
Explanation / Answer
As, we know that every relation based on the trust, time and appreciation, in the case of Nadine, we can see the lack of trust and confidence between the couple. First thing in family therapy is to engage both people during therapy, while Jim does not agree to do so, possibly, Jim is not paying proper attention to Nadine because of work, but we must understand, strong relationship never show excuses, so as a therapist, I would prefer to talk Jim regarding Nadine condition and feelings, and need of him during therapy. If Jim is not able to spend time with her, I would suggest him to spend work time and quality time to talk and understand her. The therapy depends on attention and following suggestions so that both need proper communication and quality time for each other.
Nadine is trying to express herself but feeling unconfident because she does not have firm trust on Jim’s response. The caring of Jim by Nadine is a secondary emotion because she wants him to care her and spend some time with her. Nadine is experiencing strong emotions unconsciously but Jim is not aware of her because possible, he is not feeling desire like Nadine so that Nadine need to express verbal emotions rather than non-verbal.
She needs to talk Jim, ask him to spend some time because she needs it. A proper communication between them will help them to engage in therapy and counseling session. Jim needs to understand that work is not greater than relations, we work because we want to earn relations and happiness. The responsibility of Jim is more than Nadine to communicate with her. I would suggest them, the success of any therapy depends on participants.
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