Your Task. For each of the following, read the original passage. Analyze the par

Question

Your Task. For each of the following, read the original passage. Analyze the paraphrased version. List the weaknesses in relation to what you have learned about plagiarism and the use of references, then write an improved version.

c. Original Passage Search site Yahoo kept world news prominent on its front page because users feel secure knowing that it is easily accessible, even if they don’t often click it. Conspicuous placement also went to entertainment, which draws heavy traffic from people seeking a diversion at work. By contrast, seemingly work-related content such as finance gets ample use in the evening when people pay bills and manage personal portfolios.18

Paraphrased Passage Search giant Yahoo kept news prominent on its portal since its customers feel good knowing it is there, even though they don’t read it much. Such noticeable placement was also used for entertainment news that attracts heavy traffic from users searching for a distraction at work. As opposed to that, what may seem work related, such as finance, is much visited at night when people pay their bills and manage their portfolios.

d. Original Passage The bid to offer more fashionable apparel was a bid for Target’s business. With designer names and fashion flair, Target has made customers comfortable buying dental floss and flirty dresses under one giant, uber-hip roof. . . . Wal-Mart found out that though its edgier Metro7 line for women sold well in several hundred stores, the line’s skinny jeans and other higher-style fashions bombed when the company expanded it to 3,000 stores.19

Paraphrased Passage By offering more fashionable clothes, Wal-Mart was bidding for Target’s business. With fashion flair and designer names, Target had attracted customers who would buy dental floss and sexy dresses under one roof. Wal-Mart learned that its hip Metro7 line for women sold well in hundreds of stores, but the skinny jeans and higher-style clothes misfired when the retailer took them to 3,000 of its stores.

Explanation / Answer

c. The primary weakness of the paraphrased passage is that it has just used synonyms for words in the original passage and re-written the entire thing. This is a clear example of plagiarism.

Improved version: The importance of conspicuous ad placements can be evidently reflected on the home page of search site Yahoo. The company usually keeps the world news on its front page, in font and trace, which will be quite evident to the eyes. The whole objective behind this placement is to gain the attention of the readers as well as people browsing through the search page. The same principle is used for entertainment page, which is usually visited by users when they need a break from their work. It has been observed that the users browse-through the work related content like job search and financials, in the evening, when they are done with the day’s job at the office.

d. In the paraphrased version, the active voice has been changed to passive voice in the sentences used. This is again a clear example of plagiarism.

Improved version: Target’s core business runs with an objective to offer more fashionable apparel options to the consumers. Target has been placed in the market as a one stop solution where in a customer can buy things ranging from a dental floss to fashionable labels and sexy dresses. Recently studying its business performance in fashion retail industry, Wal-Mart noticed that though its edgier offerings in the Metro7 line brand is popular and has numbers, the skinny jeans and other high-style fashion products were not garnering customers and were just occupying shelf space in the 3000 outlets of the company.

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