Identify all the problems with the email that may cause a misunderstanding or co

Question

Identify all the problems with the email that may cause a misunderstanding or confusion for a non-native English speaker who is not familiar with American slang. Explain how the the language in the email is problematic, be specific with examples.

Rewrite the email with direct and simple wording, removing all the slang, to make it easier for the supplier to understand.

Email:

Dear Zhen,

Because of the on-again/off-again haggling with one of our clients, we have been putting off writing to you. We are so turned off by their shoddy swag, the excuses they made up, and the way they put down some of our customers. Since we have a good name to keep up, we have decided to take the bull by the horns and see if you would be interested in bidding on the contract for spare parts.

By playing ball with us, you are sure to score big with your products. So please give it your best shot and fire off your price list ASAP. We will need it by 2/10 if you are able to be in the running. Holler back at me.

Thanks!

Explanation / Answer

Problems with the mail:

1.Informal Nature: The message and seriousness of the mail is not clear due to its informal nature. The main content of the message is asking the supplier to supply them with spare parts instead the message starts by complaining the current vendor.

E.g. "we have decided to take the bull by the horns and see if you would be interested in bidding on the contract for spare parts".

2.Jargons: The jargons used are difficult to understand by all people

E.g. "shoddy swag, "bull by the horns", "ASAP" etc.

3. Grammar: Grammatically the sentence formation are not right.

E.g. A sentence beginning with “because”

Rewriting the Email:

Dear Zhen,

This mail is to check your interest to be our vendor by bidding to supply spare parts and enter into a business contract with our estmeed organization.

We have some issues with our current vendor like delays , lame excuses leading to dissatisfaction of our customers and hence this idea of collaborating with you. We believe that you would do a better job with us.

The benefits and outcomes would be tremendous for you by collobrating with us. Hence if intrested with the deal please provide your price list as soon as possible by 2nd October.

Waiting for your positive reply.

Thanks!

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