I need help in business communication. Please answer the two cases after reading

Question

I need help in business communication. Please answer the two cases after reading the email message. Please make it 100% correct

6.35

Rewrite the Email Message (LO6.1)

Ensure that the message is more concise. In addition to making sentence-level changes, also ensure that paragraph length is appropriate and eliminate unneeded information. As you rewrite the message, focus on making the message as clear as possible.

6.35

Rewrite the Email Message (LO6.1)

Creating a Database of Prospects Kip recently hired Tia for a marketing internship. Kip arranged to meet her next Tuesday and explain the major project that she would complete during her internship. The project involves creating a database of meeting planners (people who organize large conventions and off-site meetings). Unfortunately, Kip had to leave on a sudden business trip and would miss the meeting. He wanted to make sure Tia could start working on the project right away. So, he emailed her from the airport to give her the information she needed. His email message however, was rushed and somewhat confusing SUBJECT: Work Schedule Hi Tia, I was just asked to make a quick business trip to a trade show that will have me gone from the office for the next four days during next week. We had scheduled to meet on Tuesday, at which time I was going to walk you through the process of developing a full, complete, and comprehensive database of meeting planners at state and federal agencies nearby. Since I will be unable to attend our meeting and give you direction, I thought I would give you some ideas so you can get started. I'm currently waiting for a flight at the airport, so I apologize for any typos As you know, one of your responsibilities this summer will be to help us develop a database of prospects. What we are looking for, in particular, are meeting planners at state and federal agencies located within 500 miles We feel that this could be an opportunity if we choose to start developing our capacity to hold green meetings and to include green meetings as part of our core strategic initiatives moving forward. One reason for this is that we think government agencies are more likely to seek out green meetings, and another reason is that, in our past experience, government agencies that hold meetings here are more likely to give us repeat business, thus allowing us to gain more reliable and loval business

Explanation / Answer

Hi Tia,

Subject: Work Schedule

I was just informed to visit trade show and hence I would not be available for next 4 days of the week. I remember that I had scheduled to meet you on Tuesday and take you through the process of developing a complete database of meeting planners at the state and federal agencies. I apologies for cancelling the meet. Currently I am in airport waiting for flight, so I apologies for any typo.

As you know, one of the key responsibility for this summer to you is to develop database of meeting planners at state and federal agencies located within 500 miles. I feel that this is an opportunity to develop our capacity to hold green meeting. One reason to develop this database is that we think government agencies are more likely to seek out green meeting and these meetings are more likely to give us repeat business, thus allowing us to gain more reliable and loyal business.

We want you to create database that includes information of designated meeting planner in state and federal agencies located within 500 miles. This allows us to send periodic marketing message via email, mail and phone. Along with this, we would like to gather information such as how often they hold meeting, how many people participate etc. We also want to find out extent to which we prioritized meeting in the past. Some of the information is already organized in current database. We want you to call as many agencies as possible and collect information. When you talk to each meeting planner, find key criteria for selecting venue and include a field with rating for how promising the lead is.

I suggest you to call meeting planner directly, so that you get direct contact with him. This helps in collecting accurate and reliable information. In order to this, first find person in charge of meeting, collect contact information and call him directly. If call is not returned within 3 days, call him back. If this fails try to contact through email. Make sure you are polite with planners as they might give us business in future.

Pl call me if you have any questions.

Thanks

KIP

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